#like. ages ago some people were interested in my thoughts on humor writing and ive finally overcome my shyness to post this ajfjh

[snickerdoodlles]

some thoughts on writing humor for anyone interested;

if you want to incorporate more humor into your writing, what you really want to practice is timing. writing humor is rarely about writing an individual funny line-- you don't remember the punchline because of the line itself, you remember the punchline because of everything else that came before it. a punchline without a proper build up or proper timing is just a non-sequitur.

so, when writing a humor fic, a good thing to remember is that the punchline comes last. you can't have your funniest line at the start of your story. think of it like action-- if your first fight is the boss fight, any fight of lower stakes or difficulty that follows is going to feel lackluster in comparison. you want your story and your jokes to build to the final line, or else you'll step on the joke and lose its impact.

and this does take practice! putting the joke at the end doesn't always feel 'natural' at first, learning how to structure and build a humor story is a skill the same as learning how to do it for any other genre. personally, i'd also say humor is something that really comes out in the editing stage more than the initial drafts-- humor is very reliant on timing and rhythm, and it's hard to find and stick to a story's pacing when you're still working on the overall story structure. i mean, this sort of thing tends to go for any sort of writing, but nothing makes humor fall flat faster than wonky pacing and so (for me at least) editing is the stage where the story goes from "oh, haha" to actually funny.

(i also bring this up because fandom has a lot of jokes about not editing a finished draft before posting-- and like, totally feel you, i'm not huge on editing after i reach the end of the draft. however, i have noticed in fic circles where people will get caught up on and sometimes even discouraged by trying to be funny in the fic larva stages when the framework to be funny just isn't there yet. personally, i highlight the humor lines i'm unsure about and move on. then, when the fic's closer to 90% done or so, it's much easier to skim the overall story and cut/format/refine/etc any jokes because they're already highlighted for easy finding.)

another thing to keep in mind is that humor as a writing device is often used to release tension. i would say this is a large part of why humor often falls very naturally into scene transitions; that natural release of tension is very useful as an 'end bracket' to a scene while also setting up the audience to be freshly wound up again. this feature is useful for stories aiming for a more light-hearted tone overall, but in general stories often incorporate humor as a way of controlling a story's pacing so that the tension doesn't get too tight too fast. even if a punchline isn't your end goal, you're still building up to something and it's really helpful to edit your humorous lines by asking "does this fit with my scene/story's pacing, or is it disruptive to my buildup?"

it doesn't really matter how funny an individual line might be on its own-- if its disruptive to the story's overall flow, the joke's effect is going to come off as strained and forced. because humor is really an exercise in structure and story rhythm, the most ineffective way to study humor is to fixate on the individual jokes you remember in your favorite stories-- instead look for the threads that came before the joke that made it memorable, and then practice doing that in your own writing. usually when humor falls flat in a story, it's because either the specific joke pops out of nowhere (missing the build-up) or the joke is in the wrong spot in the story (disruptive, breaks reader immersion). sometimes the fix is as easy as reshuffling a few lines, other times it's a matter of adding more to the build up, or even cutting it altogether so that something else packs a bigger punch.

tl;dr-- i'm repeating the old adage "in comedy, timing is everything." if you want to get better at writing or incorporating humor into your stories, it's honestly more important to practice when to drop a joke than the specific wording of the joke itself.

[onmymasa22]

Write down ur future goals

I have a lovely life. I wear nice clothes. I wear nice jewelry. I love noce stuff.

Tell me about a day in my future life based onq

What i never said, but i mean ti say is: i dont want u in my life. I was better off before u were in my life, and ill b better off after i clean my head from u. I need a major cleaning. Cuz i shouldve thrown u out before. Half a year ago. In my life, u are all worthless. Ur not on my level. Im nice, so i didnt kick u out, and i dont like change or goodbyes. But i need to just move on from u. I need to just be who i am, with out loser guys around me. Im so much better than that. I still want the nice guy. Not the slick guy, not the loser cant wake up in the morning, not the complainer. Just get the fuck away from me. Stop talking to me. Move the fuck on, let me go. U had ur shot. U missed it. Now stop talking to me.

Most people who go to college for education want to teach elemary or highschool kids. Lots of people around me like these ages. I think my issue is that i have no respect for them. The lack of respect causes my lack of patience. I dont respect teenagers. To me, theyre idiots. Theres no bigger idiot in the world than a teen, myself at 15 included. Everything is drama u cant figure out, its all the end of the wirld, ur the stupidest, most ugly, worst self esteemed individual, and everyone is like that. U have oily hair, teeth that dont make sense or hurt, ur either the annoying one who needs to be in every picture, or ur the one who thinks ur so cool and cant he in any picture. I hated people when i was that age, why would i want to be around that again. I like old people.

The amount of times my hearing was mistaken this holiday with a loud family that never let's something funny slide, we can all do like guitar riffs with it at each other

In my family we all know how to jam out to guitar riffs but with jokes. We are all loud and all of us have humor that can go from dark, to old jewish. But because its like a guitar riff jam, everyone literally collaberates to a "stand up set" improve style until everyone laughs so hard they're tearing up. That's a normal weekend in my family.

A yom tov where my family is together means putting a bunch of people with loud personalities who all have a sense of humor to the extreme where everything can be funny. Like ive been with some families where u need to be obnoxious, or a health freak, or deal with the weird uncle who drunk and talking nonsense but theyre assuring u that he is actually very smart (which is like when people say their weed is "the good stuff", it never is. When they tell u he is "very smart", he isn't). In my family, u need a sense of humor that can match everyone. We ll have different ways that we're funny-im the most made fun of between everyone and im almost non offendable, and i make it funnier.

what i learned about ppl who sell weed- if they tell u its high quality, it never is.

Like how in some families, u need to be vegetarian or obnoxious to make it, at my house u need a sense of humor and to be

I cry way more then i used to. Usually when im emotional. I was never a cry at movies or books or songs kind of person. I knew my grandmother as that person. Everything made her cry. And after i accomplished lots of healing, breaking cycles, letting go of unhealthy relationships, therapy, throwing myself into learning new skills even when it was more boring than a crazy night. I really thought id never feel happy again. I was so numb yet emotionally raw at the same time. I thought boring normal relationships or doing things where i wasnt almost dying, never knew how the night would go so took a toothbrush life. That was what my life became. And in my own time, through my own decisions, i gave therapy a shot. And i still didnt think id ever be happy with normal. I threw myself into learning guitar. It was always something i was interested in, from elementary school, someone brought one and played and i was in awe of it. Kind of like i was in awe of someone speaking hebrew which i also learned.

Im just proud that i chose life. After a long time of choosing death. This year, i chose life. This next year, i want to choose life too.

This year i want to choose life.

I want to be fully committed to myself, being guided by halacha.

I will choose life.

I will get a job that feeds my passions.

I will have enough money to live and extra to give and live nicely.

I will battle each day that the demons show up. I will fight to live a healthy boring life.

In my life right now, healthy doesnt mean eating salads everyday. It doesn't mean going to the gym. It doesn't mean counting calories, or being a runner, or owning a stanley cup thing. Healthy means

I had to learn this:

Treat people according to who u r, not according to who they r.

[transhumanitynet]

The Future You That You Least Suspect

The other night my teenage boys asked me what was on my mind (likely looking for material to make fun of me. Just kidding, they’re thoughtful kids).

Instead of trying to “kid proof” my thoughts or rush the conversation, I wrote them this letter. First, to explain that I’m consumed by how we think about and where we look for answers to the biggest questions of our time (listed below), and second, to propose an alternative way of finding answers (hint: I found inspiration in an amoeba).

How are we going to address climate change before it creates global chaos?

What jobs will be available for my kids when they finish school? What should they study?

Over the next few decades, how will we re-train ourselves fast enough — again and again — to remain employed and useful as technology becomes more capable?

Can the human race cooperate well enough to solve our biggest problems or will the future simply overwhelm us?

Most importantly, where do we look to find answers to these questions?

Hopefully I didn’t ruin the possibility that my kids will ever again ask me what’s on my mind 🙂

##

Boys,

There is an old joke where a man is looking for his keys under a street light. Another person walks by and inquires, “Sir, are you certain you lost your keys here?”

“No” the man replies, “I lost them across the street.”

Confused, the stranger says, “Then why are you looking here?”

The man responded, “The light is much brighter here!”

Credit

This comic is as humorous as it is true. All too often, we each do this when we’re trying to solve something. It’s where our brains naturally take us first.

Our imaginations are constrained to the familiar (under the light), so we have a hard time finding answers to difficult questions and problems because the answers often lie in the unknown (or in the comic above, the darkness). Staying in the light is natural, easy, and intuitive, but this limits our discovery potential.

I. How to look in the dark?

History can give us some hints about how others found interesting things in the dark. For example, we discovered that:

the sun is the center of our planetary swarm

the earth is round

the physical world is a bunch of tiny, uncertain pieces governed by quantum physics

Before these became accepted truths, they were very difficult to imagine. This is part because they are non-obvious and also counter-intuitive to our everyday experience.

It’s also because we can’t know what is not known, which means we’re blind to what is yet to be discovered. Don’t believe me? Try to think of something you don’t already know. It’s impossible! That is, until you know it, and then it’s obvious.

Going back to the 5th question, how and where can we look today to find new unknowns (the dark) that help us solve our biggest problems? Where are today’s insights that are equivalent to the sun is the center of our planetary swarm?

I think the most exciting and consequential place to explore is not looking outside ourselves, but looking inside; in our own minds. This is where I see the most fruitful answers to the questions about your future and mine.

What if the next reality busting revolution happened to our very reality and consciousness? And if that happened, could the future of being human be entirely unrecognizable from our vantage point today? I hope so, because the answers to our challenges don’t appear under the lights we have turned on so far.

You’re probably thinking, c’mon Dad, this is crazy talk.

Well, it’s happened before.

II. Thanks Homo Erectus, We’ll Take it From Here

Our ancestor Homo erectus lived two million years ago and wasn’t equipped with our kinds of languages, abstractions, or technology. Homo erectus was possibly an inflexible learner as evidenced by the fact that they made the same axe for over 1 million years.

Imagine trying to explain to Homo erectus a complex phenomena of our modern day society, such as the stock market. You’d have to explain capitalism, economics, math, money, computers, and corporations — after extensive language training and the inevitable discussion of new axe design possibilities (of course, trying not to offend).

The supporting technological, cultural, and legal layers that enable the stock market to exist are the engines and evidence of our prosperity. It’s taken us thousands of years to develop this collective intellectual complexity. The point is, our brains are incredibly capable of evolving and adapting to new and more complicated things.

That our cognition evolved from Homo erectus demonstrates that we have radically evolved before.

III. Amoeba, You’re So Smart!

A few months ago, Japanese researchers demonstrated that an amoeba, a single-celled organism, was able to find near optimal solutions to the following question:

Given a list of cities and the distances between each pair of cities, what is the shortest possible route a salesperson could take that visits each city only once and returns to the origin city? (image credit)

This is known as the Traveling Salesman Problem (TSP), and classified as an NP-hard problem because the time needed to solve it grows exponentially as the number of cities increases.

Humans can come up with near optimal solutions using various heuristics and computers can execute algorithms to solve the problem using their processing power.

However, what’s unique is that Masashi Aono and his team demonstrated that the amoeba’s solution to the TSP is completely different than the way humans or computers have traditionally solved it.

That’s right, this amoeba is flexing on us.

(Note: it’s worth reading about the clever way they set up the experiment to allow the amoeba to solve the problem.)

This got me thinking: when we’re confronted with a problem, we use the tools at our disposal. For example, we can think, do math, or program a computer to solve it.

Professor Aono found a different tool for problem solving: a single-celled organism.

I know what you’re thinking, can the amoeba do my homework or take tests for me? It’s a good question!

Also, kudos to Aono and his team for searching in the dark — this experiment is non-obvious.

IV. Why Am I Telling You About Amoebas?

I strongly believe that we need a major cognitive revolution if we are to solve the global challenges we face. Our species evolved before and we can do it again, but we can’t wait a million years; we must accelerate this evolution.

What I’m saying is very hard to understand and imagine, because it’s in the dark. But bare with me.

The amoeba gives me hope because it didn’t evolve to solve the TSP. We augmented it with technology to accomplish something pretty amazing. Similarly, we haven’t evolved to deal with cooperating on a global scale, battle an invisible gas that warms our planet or retraining our brains every few years as AI takes over more of our work. How can we augment our own minds to allow us to take on these challenges?

Imagine a scenario where you are dressed head-to-toe in haptics (think Ready Player One) that allow you to experience and understand things by feeling changes in vibrations, temperature, and pressure.

Also imagine that you have a brain interface capable of both reading out neural activity and “writing” to your brain — meaning that certain communications can be sent directly into to your brain — the kind of stuff I’m building at Kernel.

Let’s call this a mind/body/machine interface (MBMI). It would basically wire you up to be like the amoeba in the experiment.

Now, what if you were given certain problems, such as the TSP, that your conscious and subconscious mind started working to solve? Imagine that instead of “thinking” about the problem, you just let your brain figure things out on it’s own — like riding a bike.

Would you come up with novel solutions not previously identified by any other person, computer or amoeba?

If we actually had the technology to reimagine how our brains work, over time, I bet that we’d get really good at it and be surprised with all the new things we can do and come up with. To be clear, this is not just “getting smarter” by today’s standards, this is about using our brains in entirely new ways.

Maybe that means that your school today would be in the museum of the future.

People would likely use these MBMIs to invent and discover, solve disagreements, create new art and music, learn new skills, improve themselves in surprising ways and dozens of other things we can’t imagine now.

When thinking about the possibilities, hundreds of questions come to my mind. For example, could we:

minimize many of our less desirable proclivities, individually and collectively?

become more wise as a species?

come up with original solutions to climate change and other pressing problems?

accelerate the speed someone learns (i.e. you get a new kind of PhD at age 12 versus the average of 31 today)

I wonder, is this what you will do at your job in 20 years? Would your mind change so much that it would be hard to recognize your 15 year old self?

Ultimately, for our own survival, we are in a race against time. We need to identify the problems that pose the greatest risks and respond fast enough so that we avoid a zombie apocalypse situation. The most important variable to avoid that: we need to be able to adapt fast enough.

I’m sure at this moment you’re thinking, woah, Dad, calm down!!

V. Your New Job — Being Really Weird (in a good way)

You’re right in wondering what jobs computers will take — if not all of them. They’ll do the boring things that adults do to make money, except far better and for far less money. But imagine a scenario where AI relieves you of 75% of your current day-to-day responsibilities, and is much better at doing those things than you. (I imagined what this world could look like)

A lot has been written, even movies made, about this scenario (e.g.Wall-E). If this happened, would you play fully immersive video games all day? Or live a life of pleasure and be work-free? Certainly possible, although those are linear extrapolations of what we are familiar with today — meaning that’s simply taking what we know today and mapping it into the future. The same thing as looking in the light.

What if millions or even billions of people could build careers by exploring new frontiers of reality and consciousness powered by MBMIs? These types of “weird” thought exercises may be breadcrumbs that extend the considerations we’re willing to make when thinking about our collective cognitive future.

These may be the starter tools that empower us to become Old Worldexplorers setting out for the New World, and journeying on the most exciting and consequential endeavor in human history — an expedition, inward, to discover ourselves.

Dad

  orginally posted here:

https://medium.com/future-literacy/the-future-you-that-you-least-suspect-18cf63bd0061 

The Future You That You Least Suspect was originally published on transhumanity.net

[preciousmetals0]

Aurora-Coke Rumors: All Smoke and No Toke

Aurora-Coke Rumors: All Smoke and No Toke:

Share a Coke With Aurora Cannabis?

Are you well rested from the holiday break?

I hope so, because I have a doozy of a conspiracy theory in the cannabis sector for you today. It involves the most widely held stock on Robinhood and the world’s largest soft drink maker.

Before we get to the speculation, let’s start with the facts.

On Monday, Aurora Cannabis Inc. (NYSE: ACB) announced that Chief Commercial Officer (CCO) Cam Battley was leaving the company. Battley was considered the face of Aurora, so his leaving hit investor sentiment hard.

What’s more, analysts at Jefferies downgraded Aurora to hold from buy on the news. “It is clear to us that the market is lacking conviction in Aurora, and this update will do little to help that,” the ratings firm said in a note to clients.

ACB plunged 8% on Monday as a result.

Now for the speculation. A gentleman by the name of “Gabor the Blind Guy” posted a video to YouTube earlier this week where he tries to open a new childproof lid his father designed for Coca-Cola Co. (NYSE: KO). According to Gabor, this childproof lid is for a new cannabidiol (CBD) drink that Coke is releasing in Canada.

Coke childproof lids? Coke CBD drinks?

There’s nothing in the news about any of this … save for one article over at TheCannabisStock.com.

Anyone else remember the last company Coke was talking with to produce CBD drinks?

That’s right: Aurora Cannabis.

The Takeaway: 

Don’t go looking on YouTube for the video — it’s gone.

In fact, Gabor’s entire YouTube account is gone. So are his Facebook and Twitter accounts. I’m thinking someone accidentally broke a nondisclosure agreement here. Oops.

But this is the digital information age. Nothing is ever truly gone. In fact, you can find a mirror of the video here (while it lasts).

Now, I don’t need to tell you that Aurora could really use a boost … and a deal with Coke would be a major coup for the cannabis company. Aurora just rolled out its Cannabis 2.0 products in Canada, including a long list of edibles, vapes and drinks. A Coke-backed Cannabis 2.0 drink could send ACB to the moon.

What’s more, what if CCO Battley only moved out of Aurora (and into an Aurora subsidiary) to make way for a Coke representative ahead of a CBD drink deal?

The possibilities are tantalizing, aren’t they?

For an expert’s take on the situation, I reached out to Banyan Hill’s resident pot stocks guru, Anthony Planas. Here’s what he had to say:

I saw it on Reddit. I think it’s BS.

Clearly not the take we anticipated, but it’s a stark reminder that any potential tie-up between Aurora and Coke is purely speculation at this point.

Thank you, Anthony, for bringing us all back to earth on this one.

As it turns out, Anthony was right. Just before Great Stuff hit the presses, Coke issued a statement: “As we have stated many times, we have no plans to enter the CBD market.” Bummer.

Remember, the cannabis sector is quite volatile right at the moment. You need an expert to help guide you through the rumors and speculation. To that end, Anthony and Real Wealth Strategist editor Matt Badiali have come up with five pot stocks you “must own” right now … before more states legalize.

Click here to find out more!

Good: Tesla Smokes $420

It was bound to happen … and when it did, CEO Elon Musk was just itching to make a joke.

On Monday, Tesla Inc. (Nasdaq: TSLA) hit $420 per share. The milestone prompted Musk to tweet out: “Whoa … the stock is so high lol.”

All jokes aside, Tesla is smoking right now. The shares are up a whopping 1,600% since their initial public offering, with optimism over the new Chinese Gigafactory driving bullish sentiment right through that burning Walmart roof.

Analysts are even jumping on board, albeit reluctantly. Today, Wedbush analyst Dan Ives lifted his price target on TSLA to $370 from $270, citing strong demand for the Model 3. While Ives gave a nod to “massive short covering” for Tesla’s recent resurgence, he also pointed out “underlying fundamental improvement” at the company. After all, Tesla turned a surprise profit last quarter.

But the short squeeze story can’t be ignored. Tesla shorts have … well … lost their shorts by betting against the company. And there’s more to come. ShortSqueeze.com reports that 27.5 million TSLA shares remain sold short after a 4% decline in the latest reporting period.

Those remaining 27.5 million shares still account for about 20.5% of Tesla’s total float (or shares available for public trading). With TSLA still climbing, how much longer can these remaining bears hold out before they’re forced to buy as well?

Better: Riveting Competition 

When Tesla unveiled its new Cybertruck, the internet had a field day making fun of the “truck’s” odd design features. Not since the Pontiac Aztek have we seen a vehicle so, well … ugly.

With so few true competitors, it looked like energy-conscious truck enthusiasts (yes, they do exist) were stuck driving a truck designed by a six-year-old. That is, until Rivian secured a massive amount of funding.

Rivian is an electric vehicle startup that’s drawn considerable interest from backers as of late, especially after Tesla’s Cybertruck made its debut. Rivian’s trucks and SUVs look more like traditional vehicles than anything Tesla makes, providing a level of confidence to key backers.

So much so that the company announced it raked in $1.3 billion in funding in its latest investment drive — its largest to date. Big names are lining up behind Rivian, including Ford Motor Co. (NYSE: F) and Amazon.com Inc. (Nasdaq: AMZN).

Rivian is expected to start delivering trucks and SUVs next year. Are we witnessing the emergence of a true competitor in the electric vehicle market?

Best: Breaking Records

I honestly don’t know why more people don’t shop online during the holiday season … or at any point during the year, for that matter. It’s like y’all didn’t get the memo: You don’t have to fight hordes of people to buy things anymore.

This year, online shopping saw more converts than ever. According to data from Mastercard, e-commerce sales surged to a record high, rising 18.8% from 2018 to account for 14.6% of total retail sales in the U.S.

Naturally, the big winner here is Amazon. The e-commerce giant said this past holiday shopping season was “record-breaking.” The company reported 5 million new Prime subscriptions (free trial and paid). What’s more, traffic at Amazon pickup points was up 60% year over year.

Here’s the surprising thing: Amazon stock is actually down more than 6% in the past six months. The shares lag the S&P 500 Index by about 8% for the past 12 months.

So, what gives? Amazon’s spending spree, that’s what. After the company posted its first profit drop in two years back in October, investors have been reluctant to push AMZN higher.

That’s a mistake. Amazon has proven time and time again that it knows how to invest in itself. This latest spending round was on one-day shipping and content for Prime TV. These investments will pay for themselves. We’ll see proof of that in Amazon’s holiday quarter earnings report.

Before I sign off and try to steal another Hawaiian roll — the King’s Hawaiian ones are OK, but homemade rolls help me feast like an emperor — it’s time for a helping of Reader Feedback.

But Great Stuff, you didn’t even ask us for any feedback this week!

No, but “readers gonna read” … and write in.

And I’m grateful for all the feedback and comments you send in.

This week, y’all got personal with the questions. The holidays bring out all kinds of folks. (Especially out on the roads by me … jeez, how many of you really went last-minute with the shopping?)

So, I thought it’d be a wholesome, festive Kodak moment to respond to some of your questions about the great stuff behind Great Stuff.

Brian E. asked:

When and why did you get into trading? I’m trying to convince my son to turn off Counter-Strike and start investing. Any advice?

Well, Brian, at least it’s Counter-Strike and not Fortnite. I don’t have the … umm … poetic license here at Great Stuff to tell you how I truly feel about Fortnite.

As a lifelong video game fan, I initially saw trading as yet another type of “game” to master. It was a challenge. With the right knowledge, I too could win this game played by billionaires.

Yes, I was young and naïve, but I never shrank from that challenge. To this day, I continue to search for that edge — that “cheat code,” if you will — that will help me (and now you) make it big.

Gwenn M. wanted to know:

Your movie references are all over the place (in the best way)! Any one favorite?

As you know, Gwenn, I have an affinity for ’80s movies — everything from Top Gun and E.T. to Indiana Jones and anything made by the great John Hughes. I also have a big weak spot for Monty Python and dry British humor.

But my real favorite, the pièce de résistance, is Star Wars. The Empire Strikes Back was the first movie I ever saw in a theater. It was a masterpiece. So, for better or for worse, Great Stuff readers get more Star Wars memes than any other.

I have spoken.

Short and sweet, Suze said:

Do you have a quote you live by?

Suze, there are, in fact, three quotes that I live by … one for investing in the market and two for life.

For the market, I live by the words of John Maynard Keynes: “Markets can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent.”

For life, my favorite is by Robin William’s character, John Keating, in Dead Poets Society: “But only in their dreams can men be truly free. ‘Twas always thus, and always thus will be.”

But equally important is one my grandfather told me jokingly decades ago: “Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.”

I don’t think you can go wrong with any of those quotes.

And on that note, you can look forward to more meme-fueled festivities tomorrow.

Until next time, good trading!

Regards,

Joseph Hargett

Great Stuff Managing Editor, Banyan Hill Publishing

[goldira01]

Share a Coke With Aurora Cannabis?

Are you well rested from the holiday break?

I hope so, because I have a doozy of a conspiracy theory in the cannabis sector for you today. It involves the most widely held stock on Robinhood and the world’s largest soft drink maker.

Before we get to the speculation, let’s start with the facts.

On Monday, Aurora Cannabis Inc. (NYSE: ACB) announced that Chief Commercial Officer (CCO) Cam Battley was leaving the company. Battley was considered the face of Aurora, so his leaving hit investor sentiment hard.

What’s more, analysts at Jefferies downgraded Aurora to hold from buy on the news. “It is clear to us that the market is lacking conviction in Aurora, and this update will do little to help that,” the ratings firm said in a note to clients.

ACB plunged 8% on Monday as a result.

Now for the speculation. A gentleman by the name of “Gabor the Blind Guy” posted a video to YouTube earlier this week where he tries to open a new childproof lid his father designed for Coca-Cola Co. (NYSE: KO). According to Gabor, this childproof lid is for a new cannabidiol (CBD) drink that Coke is releasing in Canada.

Coke childproof lids? Coke CBD drinks?

There’s nothing in the news about any of this … save for one article over at TheCannabisStock.com.

Anyone else remember the last company Coke was talking with to produce CBD drinks?

That’s right: Aurora Cannabis.

The Takeaway: 

Don’t go looking on YouTube for the video — it’s gone.

In fact, Gabor’s entire YouTube account is gone. So are his Facebook and Twitter accounts. I’m thinking someone accidentally broke a nondisclosure agreement here. Oops.

But this is the digital information age. Nothing is ever truly gone. In fact, you can find a mirror of the video here (while it lasts).

Now, I don’t need to tell you that Aurora could really use a boost … and a deal with Coke would be a major coup for the cannabis company. Aurora just rolled out its Cannabis 2.0 products in Canada, including a long list of edibles, vapes and drinks. A Coke-backed Cannabis 2.0 drink could send ACB to the moon.

What’s more, what if CCO Battley only moved out of Aurora (and into an Aurora subsidiary) to make way for a Coke representative ahead of a CBD drink deal?

The possibilities are tantalizing, aren’t they?

For an expert’s take on the situation, I reached out to Banyan Hill’s resident pot stocks guru, Anthony Planas. Here’s what he had to say:

I saw it on Reddit. I think it’s BS.

Clearly not the take we anticipated, but it’s a stark reminder that any potential tie-up between Aurora and Coke is purely speculation at this point.

Thank you, Anthony, for bringing us all back to earth on this one.

As it turns out, Anthony was right. Just before Great Stuff hit the presses, Coke issued a statement: “As we have stated many times, we have no plans to enter the CBD market.” Bummer.

Remember, the cannabis sector is quite volatile right at the moment. You need an expert to help guide you through the rumors and speculation. To that end, Anthony and Real Wealth Strategist editor Matt Badiali have come up with five pot stocks you “must own” right now … before more states legalize.

Click here to find out more!

Good: Tesla Smokes $420

It was bound to happen … and when it did, CEO Elon Musk was just itching to make a joke.

On Monday, Tesla Inc. (Nasdaq: TSLA) hit $420 per share. The milestone prompted Musk to tweet out: “Whoa … the stock is so high lol.”

All jokes aside, Tesla is smoking right now. The shares are up a whopping 1,600% since their initial public offering, with optimism over the new Chinese Gigafactory driving bullish sentiment right through that burning Walmart roof.

Analysts are even jumping on board, albeit reluctantly. Today, Wedbush analyst Dan Ives lifted his price target on TSLA to $370 from $270, citing strong demand for the Model 3. While Ives gave a nod to “massive short covering” for Tesla’s recent resurgence, he also pointed out “underlying fundamental improvement” at the company. After all, Tesla turned a surprise profit last quarter.

But the short squeeze story can’t be ignored. Tesla shorts have … well … lost their shorts by betting against the company. And there’s more to come. ShortSqueeze.com reports that 27.5 million TSLA shares remain sold short after a 4% decline in the latest reporting period.

Those remaining 27.5 million shares still account for about 20.5% of Tesla’s total float (or shares available for public trading). With TSLA still climbing, how much longer can these remaining bears hold out before they’re forced to buy as well?

Better: Riveting Competition 

When Tesla unveiled its new Cybertruck, the internet had a field day making fun of the “truck’s” odd design features. Not since the Pontiac Aztek have we seen a vehicle so, well … ugly.

With so few true competitors, it looked like energy-conscious truck enthusiasts (yes, they do exist) were stuck driving a truck designed by a six-year-old. That is, until Rivian secured a massive amount of funding.

Rivian is an electric vehicle startup that’s drawn considerable interest from backers as of late, especially after Tesla’s Cybertruck made its debut. Rivian’s trucks and SUVs look more like traditional vehicles than anything Tesla makes, providing a level of confidence to key backers.

So much so that the company announced it raked in $1.3 billion in funding in its latest investment drive — its largest to date. Big names are lining up behind Rivian, including Ford Motor Co. (NYSE: F) and Amazon.com Inc. (Nasdaq: AMZN).

Rivian is expected to start delivering trucks and SUVs next year. Are we witnessing the emergence of a true competitor in the electric vehicle market?

Best: Breaking Records

I honestly don’t know why more people don’t shop online during the holiday season … or at any point during the year, for that matter. It’s like y’all didn’t get the memo: You don’t have to fight hordes of people to buy things anymore.

This year, online shopping saw more converts than ever. According to data from Mastercard, e-commerce sales surged to a record high, rising 18.8% from 2018 to account for 14.6% of total retail sales in the U.S.

Naturally, the big winner here is Amazon. The e-commerce giant said this past holiday shopping season was “record-breaking.” The company reported 5 million new Prime subscriptions (free trial and paid). What’s more, traffic at Amazon pickup points was up 60% year over year.

Here’s the surprising thing: Amazon stock is actually down more than 6% in the past six months. The shares lag the S&P 500 Index by about 8% for the past 12 months.

So, what gives? Amazon’s spending spree, that’s what. After the company posted its first profit drop in two years back in October, investors have been reluctant to push AMZN higher.

That’s a mistake. Amazon has proven time and time again that it knows how to invest in itself. This latest spending round was on one-day shipping and content for Prime TV. These investments will pay for themselves. We’ll see proof of that in Amazon’s holiday quarter earnings report.

Before I sign off and try to steal another Hawaiian roll — the King’s Hawaiian ones are OK, but homemade rolls help me feast like an emperor — it’s time for a helping of Reader Feedback.

But Great Stuff, you didn’t even ask us for any feedback this week!

No, but “readers gonna read” … and write in.

And I’m grateful for all the feedback and comments you send in.

This week, y’all got personal with the questions. The holidays bring out all kinds of folks. (Especially out on the roads by me … jeez, how many of you really went last-minute with the shopping?)

So, I thought it’d be a wholesome, festive Kodak moment to respond to some of your questions about the great stuff behind Great Stuff.

Brian E. asked:

When and why did you get into trading? I’m trying to convince my son to turn off Counter-Strike and start investing. Any advice?

Well, Brian, at least it’s Counter-Strike and not Fortnite. I don’t have the … umm … poetic license here at Great Stuff to tell you how I truly feel about Fortnite.

As a lifelong video game fan, I initially saw trading as yet another type of “game” to master. It was a challenge. With the right knowledge, I too could win this game played by billionaires.

Yes, I was young and naïve, but I never shrank from that challenge. To this day, I continue to search for that edge — that “cheat code,” if you will — that will help me (and now you) make it big.

Gwenn M. wanted to know:

Your movie references are all over the place (in the best way)! Any one favorite?

As you know, Gwenn, I have an affinity for ’80s movies — everything from Top Gun and E.T. to Indiana Jones and anything made by the great John Hughes. I also have a big weak spot for Monty Python and dry British humor.

But my real favorite, the pièce de résistance, is Star Wars. The Empire Strikes Back was the first movie I ever saw in a theater. It was a masterpiece. So, for better or for worse, Great Stuff readers get more Star Wars memes than any other.

I have spoken.

Short and sweet, Suze said:

Do you have a quote you live by?

Suze, there are, in fact, three quotes that I live by … one for investing in the market and two for life.

For the market, I live by the words of John Maynard Keynes: “Markets can stay irrational longer than you can stay solvent.”

For life, my favorite is by Robin William’s character, John Keating, in Dead Poets Society: “But only in their dreams can men be truly free. ‘Twas always thus, and always thus will be.”

But equally important is one my grandfather told me jokingly decades ago: “Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.”

I don’t think you can go wrong with any of those quotes.

And on that note, you can look forward to more meme-fueled festivities tomorrow.

Until next time, good trading!

Regards,

Joseph Hargett

Great Stuff Managing Editor, Banyan Hill Publishing

[captainbaz]

I'm glad I didn't upset you :) Now please be so kind as to answer 1-100 of those questions. -waits patiently-

Oh boy, youre in for a very long post, im warning you all....Also have fun looking up the questions! 8)1. Blake2. 223. March 9th4. Pisces5. Blue...6. 137. I do, its a cat his name is Fluffy, and i love  him to death. He is my little shitlord.8. Louisiana9. Im either 5"6" or 5"7" not really sure10. Honestly this is hard to answer since it depends on the brand, but the ones i have are like a 1211. Literally 212. Its been this really weird reoccurring dream, that i dont wanna talk about at the moment! Sorry!!13. Is lazy a talent? but in all honesty care taking is a talent and im glad to be one when i can for literally anyone.14. Ive had my moments, whether it was something i saw in a dream, or just something i could call out on spot on accident.15. As of late this is a hard one to answer, but i can still say without a doubt, Bridges in The Sky by Dream Theater.16. Shaun of The Dead, and Hot Fuzz. I couldnt pick between them.17. Honestly, if i want to think about ideal partner, all i need from them is Trust, Loyalty, Humor, and a fucking cute smile thatll melt me every time i see it. 18. Yes two is the limit.19. Hmm maybe, i never put alot of thought into marriage, but if i decide to do traditional.20. Nope..21. Plenty...22. Oh boy have i...23. Technically? Ive chatted with a few people who the current society would consider as "famous" and they are all lovely people.24. There is a time for both, i prefer Showers though!25. Black, all of them are black.26. Nope, or at least i hope not if i am then i made a mistake.27. No, i can barely handle people, so knowing the paparazzi is waiting for me somewhere worries me.28. I really like Jazz, but im pretty open to all types.29. Yes, the time it happened was not fun, but yes.30. Two, it use to be four.31. On my side, or like on my stomach, its usually the way i get comfy quickly.32. Not very, like its big enough for me, bout a medium sized one story house.33. I dont really wake up for breakfast or fall asleep around the time for breakfast, so yeah.34. Yes, i have actually.35. I wanted to, but i dont think id make a very good bowman.36. I dont have a favorite "Clean" word.37. Ass, it never ceases to amuse me as a word.38. Five Days... maybe longer when i was younger, insomnia is bad.39. Plenty, mentally and physically.40. Im sure i do, if they see this. Hello, youre more than welcome to just drop in and say Hi! Make yourself known.41. If the situation calls for it, ill do what i have to with words, but id prefer to not have to lie.42. Yes, while id prefer to not judge, sometimes its needed to keep myself safe.43. I mean im sure i could, how accurate it is thats another story.44. Nope, my voice is pretty bland when it comes to an accent.45. The Australian accent, its like music to my ears.46. If i dont know you too well, im pretty cold and dead, if i do know you, im pretty warm and generally fun.47. Its a winter jacket, that hasnt seen any use at all from me.48. Yes, i can in a few ways but nothing super impressive.49. Innie.50. Im ambidextrous, but still Left hand dominant.51. Not really, they can be cute sometimes.52. Pineapple Pizza53. Honestly just Italian food in general.54. A little of both actually.55. It always ends with "im gonna shit myself"56. Fuck and the many variations of it.... not proud of that one but you know.57. Not very long, i dont like to keep people waiting if i dont have to.58. I can be pretty cocky, but its only on things i know are accurate.59. Bite.60. Only when i do something seriously stupid.61. Yes, its relaxing and you can never beat singing in the shower.62. No, probably not, i sound really monotone normally so i can only imagine how bad my singing is.63. Letting down all those who put trust in me. 64. Nope, im not a gossip.65. I havent seen very many of those, so i dont know if ive seen a best one. 66. Both, Both are very good.67. No, no i cannot. I only remember the ones i have friends in, or the ones i want to visit.68. Photography, it was available at the high school i went to and was actually the one i enjoyed the most out of everything i took.69. Introvert70. Nope, never done that.71. Large groups of people.72. Nope, i walk in it alot.73. I have a few times, but only if its something that legit bothers me, other than that ill leave it be cause i make alot of mistakes too.74. You know it.75. Nope, dont care for rumors, and dont want to care about rumors.76. Yes, a few times its very stressful but someone has to do it.77. Yup, have not been drunk underage though.78. Nope, havent touched them dont plan on it. Its not for me.79. It was a girl named Kelsie, had the biggest crush on her, till middle school.80. I dont have any piercings, thought about them years ago but lost interest.81. No, i cant roll my R's i never could, and never figured out how to.82. Decently fast.83. I havent ran since some point in highschool, so ill say not very.84. Dirty Blonde.85. Gray86. Im not allergic to anything i know of yet.87. I use to, but it was a journal of doodles, instead of writing about things, id just doodle the emotion i felt or was feeling.88. My dad works for an oilfield company, and my mom is, just a stay at home mother.89. Yes, yes i do, complaining about my age wont make me younger so.90. Myself, mostly.91. Its pretty good yeah, when im not being called a spice by accident.92. Maybe a few years ago i would have had an actual answer to this, but currently, ive put no thought into what id name my future children.93. Id want a girl, but if its my own flesh and blood ill take what i get.94. My humor, my knowledge, my ability to stay calm in a terrible situation, my way with words.95. My way with words.... Animals, generally anything cute is a weakness to me. My depression.96. I was named after my great uncle, but i got his middle name as my first and his first as my middle.97. From what i remember being told, on my mother's side we were related to english royalty.98. This one repeated, but, Yes both mentally and physically.99. Its like a Creme colored pinstripe.100. Its Blue, my room is blue.

[umichenginabroad]

Londres

Not long before our pre-semester classes ended, the schedule for (only) the first week of the regular semester was released. Monday was a day off for everyone, and even then, only certain classes were set to begin that week. My schedule was very open, with only a class on Thursday afternoon. That meant that I had a long weekend between the end of pre-semester classes and the beginning of my semester. And for students here, long weekends mean that it’s time to travel!

It would be easy for me to make this post really long, because 5 days worth of traveling and exploring is A LOT of time. However, I don’t intend to share every detail of my travels, and as we were reminded at our orientation for this blogging position, this isn’t technically a travel blog for all of our side trips. Although traveling is highly encouraged, this is intended to be a way to share our experiences at our universities. That being said, I’ll attempt to highlight some of the fun/amusing/learning experiences from this trip.

My dear friend, Elli, is currently studying at the University of Westminster in London, so I figured it would be a good time to pay her a visit. A few months ago when we learned that we would both be in Europe at the same time, she and I decided that we would have to meet up. I booked my transportation and accommodation a few days before leaving, and then I set out on Saturday.

I used a popular ridesharing service called BlaBlaCar to get to Paris. I rode with a very kind man named Joël, who was driving his son back to school with his wife. Joël and I talked about all sorts of things, particularly the US and traveling.

Having been to Paris once before, I didn’t feel the need to see anything in particular that day, so I just wandered. That’s not to say that one can ever see all of Paris, especially in a few days with a tour group. However, I think one of the best ways to discover a city is to get lost in it.

The weather was wonderful during my layover in Paris. I particularly enjoyed this shot of Henry IV at Pont Neuf (“New Bridge”), which is actually the oldest bridge crossing the Seine in Paris.

I spent about 10 hours walking around Paris, mostly sticking to the Seine, where I could enjoy the sunshine. I did eventually make my way over to the Eiffel Tower, but I just sat on the Champ de Mars nearby and dogwatched. I promised my friend, Jessica, that I would take pictures of as many dogs as I could while abroad, and Paris did not disappoint.

I then took an overnight bus from Paris to London (the cheapest option I found). To get from France to the United Kingdom, we took the Eurotunnel Shuttle, which goes through the Channel Tunnel (“Chunnel”). Before this trip, I knew that the Chunnel existed, crossing about 30 miles of the English Channel, but I didn’t realize exactly how it worked. The Shuttle is basically a train for vehicles. Our bus was loaded into a car of a train and became a passenger on this shuttle under the channel.

The crossing itself isn’t particularly interesting (not much to see), but there was some drama that took place during our journey. It was 2 AM, and we were all just sitting there/sleeping, when all of a sudden, a woman at the back of the bus started yelling at another woman. I did my best to understand what was being said, but they were both going at once - and quickly. From what I heard, someone’s coat was “thrown onto the ground”. Then there was arguing about who started it. Essentially, a typical petty argument. Since we were on The Shuttle, the driver was able to come up to the second level and break it up. That spat and the two border control stops were enough to render the drive less restful than I had hoped.

One of the many beautiful spots in Regent’s Park

I happened to be on the same bus as another exchange student, Andrés, so we stuck together for the first day. We started walking once we got off the bus at 5 AM and just kept going. In fact, I kept going all three days, covering over 50 miles on foot. I also took advantage of the cheap bike rentals on the third day - highly recommended.

Note about the bikes: Twenty-four hours of access to those bikes only costs 2 pounds. That’s it, as long as the journeys are under 30 minutes. Every extra 30 costs another 2 pounds, or you can dock at one of the countless stations, wait 5 minutes, and start another free 30 minutes.

I used the bikes because I wanted to check out the Olympic Park. It took two journeys and some u-turns, but I made it eventually. It was cool to see the stadium and the aquatic center, even if it was from the outside. There were also some neat little things like a bouldering wall, which I couldn’t resist trying out.

It seems obvious now, but at the time I didn’t consider that what I was wearing would limit my ability to climb. My running shoes were bulky for the holds, and my pants, as it turns out, were not particularly stretchy. (I tore a hole in the crotch of my pants.) Lesson learned: Don’t climb in khakis.

I had a Korean burrito here at Camden Market. Kimchi, beef, and other tasty stuff wrapped in a tortilla!

One of the other highlights of my time in London - if you can call ripping your pants a highlight - was the food. I received a wonderful list of tips and recommendations from my sister’s friend, Tai, which included some of the markets around town. Given the nice weather and the potential for delicious food, I had to go! I visited Camden Market, which was perhaps a bit more touristy than Borough Market, but delicious. At Borough, there was street food and also plenty of stalls selling everything from spices to cheese to produce. If I lived anywhere near there, I’m sure that would be a place I’d visit often.

Although those two markets were great, the best may have been the one that I stumbled upon. I happened to see a sign that said “Farmers Market: Tues.”, so I followed the arrow. I arrived at a little square next to Guy’s Hospital, where around 10 vendors were set up at a tiny farmers market. Everything looked delicious. Paella, meat pies, Lebanese food. However, what stuck out the most was the tent with the desserts. As soon as I saw it, I knew I couldn’t leave London without buying something there.

This is why I recommend wandering.

For lunch, I met Elli back at Borough Market, where we explored a little more and got our lunch. She went with a bratwurst from the German stand, and I got a box of Ethiopian food that was way too good. Even though, lunch was filling, I told Elli we had unfinished business. I led her back to the farmers market, and we each ordered a (massive) slice of cake. We found a place to sit on the steps, pet the fluffiest Labradoodle, and stuffed ourselves with what was easily one of the best pieces of cake I’ve ever eaten. A great way to finish off my trip!

Before I bring this not-as-brief-as-I-had-hoped report to an end, I want to reiterate a few thoughts and share some new ones:

Wander. I can’t recommend it enough. You might find some delicious cake, the cutest puppy, or a beautiful spot that’s off the beaten path. Plus, it feels nice to get away from all the other tourists.

Use your resources/networks. I had a lot of help on my trip, between the people with whom I could do things and the people who gave me advice. I was able to travel with Andrés and to hang out with Elli and her awesome roommate, Chloe, which made the trip more enjoyable. I also received excellent tips from Jenée’s friend, Tai, and from a fellow Stamps Scholar (University of Texas), Tiffany Chan. Someone you know probably knows something or someone who does, so ask.

Meeting people is inevitable. I mentioned meeting Chloe through Elli, but I also met complete strangers. For example, in my hostel there were all sorts of people: different ages, races, nationalities. In fact, I met a group of French students, one of whom is now helping me practice my French! Louise writes to me in English, and I respond in French!

On a similar note, some of the people you meet will make the world feel small. On Facebook and Twitter, I shared my story about Omar, the French man whose brother attends the University of Michigan. We were just two strangers who happened to be on the same bus back to Paris from London, but we made a connection because of his Michigan sweatshirt.

Finally, it’s important to stop and reflect every once in awhile. This little note I found on a map at Regent’s Park made me reconsider the way I go about my travels:

“Do more things that make you forget to check your phone.”

I do recognize the humor in the fact that I took a picture of this with my phone and am now writing about it on a blog, but it’s something to work on. I’d like to keep this in mind as I continue traveling. In this age of the internet and social media, it’s easy to get caught up and to forget to enjoy the moment. Maybe in the future I can sacrifice a few superfluous pictures to just be there.

A la prochaine!

Cole Schneider

Materials Science and Engineering

Université de Technologie de Troyes

[amorrain1990-blog]

Tips to dating in 2017

I know what your thinking, "Who needs dating tips?" If your in a relationship OBVIOUSLY this isnt for you. I write this for the single people, not just females, but anyone who is freshly out of a relationship, those who are just tired of the same old experiences and looking for something real, or those who have no idea where to start in this new age era of dating online. Mainly I want to share my experiences with the world. If my words can help anyone, even just a little bit, or make someone laugh and forget about the terrible day they had, then one of my life goals will be accomplished. if your still reading this you must be seriously bored.. Just kidding and honestly thank you to those that decided that this was worth the time. So for a little background on me and why I decided to spend my valuable (not) time putting this together. I am a serial dater. Yes I admit it. Phew, first step to quiting your problem.... Anyways, ever since I started dating at 14 years of age, (if you can call it that when your that young) I never went more than a few months without a boyfriend. At 16 I met who I thought was the man I would someday marry. 6 years later, I woke up and realized that I wasted most my young adult life being a housewife without the big shiny ring and the bragging rights. Well I lasted about 4 days before I was back on the saddle and thinking I was in love again. I of course wasnt. After that ended, I entered another long term relationship. 4 years and a hell of a lot of tears later, I ended it and here I am now. Sitting here pouring my thoughts into Tumblr, knowing full well that no one will ever read this. But im doing this not just for others. Im mainly doing it for me. I made a New Years resolution to stay single all year. Theres been a few hiccups over the first month of the year, but so far still single. Its important to prove to myself that I do not need to be tied down, that I can be my own person and do things without a MAN. ( For clarification, I am in no way shape or form a feminist) Every woman should be comfortable with who they are, and shouldnt have to rely constantly on the male species. Dont get me wrong, I love guys! Who doesnt? Their manly smell, their muscles and of course the all important Penis. Although I enjoy the company and presence of a man, I also want to get down to the real nitty gritty, the foundation that is me. I need answers to important questions like : Who am I? What can I accomplish on my own? And most importantly, What talents do I have to share that will leave my own personal mark on humanity? No answers yet, but eh, its only been a month. Now to get down to the good stuff: Online dating. Ive dabbled for a few years with it. I learned a lot, and not always the easy way. Nonetheless, I would like to leave some imparting (and possibly humorous) words of wisdom. Over the time ive spent online, browsing through guys like a damn Ikea catalouge, I have come to the realization that NO ONE IS EVER AS THEY SEEM. No, dont argue. I do not care if youve added them on facebook and stalked them on Snapchat. CAMERAS CAN LIE. I dont care if he looks like Channing Tatum and Mark Wahlberg had a wacky (albeit ingenious) science experiment and they had a devestatingly handsome baby. Keep in mind filters and angles can make just about anyone look good. That goes for both men and women. Yes ladies im talking about you. If you arent comfortable enough with yourself to let a stranger see the real you, then how do you expect to truly find someone who loves you for you? I am not completely heartless, nor am I a virgin to using a snapchat filter a time or two (or five) but there are ways to keep it real and get away with it. You may be wondering why I brought this up? Heres why: I have had more than once, met some one online, thought they were handsome in their photos,(Yes photos can be altered, but I always look at all photos. They may not show the real guy behind the profile, but there is always a lot you can infer from their pictures. but i will touch bac on that at another time.) Back to my story, I usually am very good at picking out the phonies from the real. Like I said earlier, ive got some experience in this area. So the other day im bored talking to people online and this one guy hits me up wanting to hang out. He was super sweet and his pics werent too bad so I decided to roll with it and take him up on his offer. We talked for a week and to me thats better than most guys who just send a HEY and then ask for nudes. He came to pick me up and when i met him in person I was a little bit dissapointed that his pictures online didnt seem to really look like him too much. But im not shallow so I decided to give him a chance. He was a sweetheart and absolute gentleman, but i just wasnt attracted to him. If theres no chemistry, theres no chemistry. Plain and simple. Cant force it. Anyways, two hours later he dropped me off at home (we just sat and talked the whole time.) Overall i enjoyed the experience but in the back of my mind I knew he wasnt what i was looking for. Not that i know what that is, but maybe someday ill find that story book romance. The kind that takes your breath away and covers your skin with goosepimples. (meh, a girl can dream right?) The sad part is that i considered myself almost a pro at weeding out the guys who i know are a waste of time and those who arent. I had kissed more than my fair share of toads. Like the first time i tried online dating... (Hilarious flashback) I had just started out on this dating app, after getting my heart handed to me extra well done, and i obviously had no clue what i was doing. this kid(i think he lied about his age cause i thought he was 21 or 22, but in person he looked 12) starts chatting with me. We find out that we both liked to smoke and he seemed cool. He wanted to meet and i was lonely and depressed enough that i agreed to let him come over. His profile pics made him look like a redheaded justin beiber and i thought to myself, now brittany, youve never ever had good luck with redheads. But i chose to ignore that side of the brain. He called me unable to find the address so i met him outside. He got out of his car and lets just say, Justin Beiber? not even close. The kid knew that if he did his hair just like beibers in his photos, hed get more girls. But what he didnt realize is that if your going to use that to your advantage, maybe take the time to do it outside of just for your profile pictures. So, he asks what i would like to do, and i can already tell im not going to like this kid. Mainly because he was very indecisive, and i had to eventually tell him what we were going to do because i got tired of getting in and out of his car. So we decide to chill and smoke. My close friends know i can be a bit of a snob when it comes to marijuana. But i was born and raised in california. When your used to the best, other stuff is almost unsmokable. The entire reason i agreed to meet him may have been selfish on my part, he did say he would bring some and i hate smoking alone, so i guess i deserved what happened next. He pulls out his bag and then apologizes because he only brought a nug with him. But after i smelled it and looked at it i told him to forget it and we would smoke what i had. I could tell he was a little immature just from him trying to converse with me. It was obvious he thought this would be a hookup. He was like a teenager on prom night, bouncing around, nervous and looking for an excuse just to touch me. Of course he would be leaving disappointed. Not only was he starting to annoy me, but he brought crappy ass weed to my apartment. If you are a stoner, then you know how insulting that is. Somehow, amid his incessant chatter, a spider had made it to his face and was hanging off his nose. I couldnt stop staring at it! I wondered while he continued to talk, if he felt it at all. I was so fascinated by it i think he finally noticed and tried to slyly wipe at his nose. It took him three tries before he managed to rid himself of the arachnid. And cruelly i had wished it would bite him just so he would leave. As if my lack of effort in his one sided conversation wasnt enough of a clue that i wasnt interested, he then proceeded to sit next to me. He complimented me and then asked if he could kiss me. I didnt even reply before he leaned in and tried to toungue my closed mouth. I couldnt help it, I laughed. It was like kissing a relative. Not in an incestuous way, but in a awkward and not enjoyable in ANY way. I could tell i hurt his feelings when i pushed him away (the laughing part didnt help either) but at that point i was ready to enjoy the rest of the night with my favorite person: me. Luckily he finally got the hint and announced he was leaving because i obviously wasnt into him or having a good time... I was a little taken aback. I didnt think he could tell that i was getting fed up. I felt bad and lied to him, claiming exhaustion was the reason. Well it didnt work so he finally said he was just going to leave. I was too relieved to care. Needless to say i never talked to him again. Not that he didnt try! You would think a guy would take a hint and find someone who actually liked him. But thats what the block button is for, haha. (yes i know im heartless) And that leads us back to rule #1: Dont always expect to see the guy in the profile picture. 9 times out of 10 they took the pic when they were in highschool 5 years ago, or they angle it just right that you cant tell if theyre obese or not (again, not shallow, ive dated guys of all sizes) Or they just dont know how to take pics at all and look terrible in all of them. OR my personal fav, the guess who. (its where most of their pics are of them with other guy friends, most the time hotter friends, so you spend all this time trying to figure out which one is the actual sn: bicycleman007 or some lame shit. Only to spend the next 10 mins scrolling until i finally find an alone shot only to reveal that he wasnt the one on the left that i thought was hot. (ok this thing is getting longer than i thought. Time to wrap it up lol) One last thing that I think is just as important if not more so than rule number one: Rule #2: TRUST YOUR GUT. No exceptions, no excuses. JUST DO IT. 10 times out of 10 my gut has been right. That May be just a tad bit of an exaggeration, but seriously you will not feel guilt or regret when you follow your gut. Everytime i have followed it, I jump up in the air and do a dance because i was right and i did the right thing and felt so amazing afterward. The unfortunate times i failed to listen to that tiny inner voice, ive wanted to kick myself right in the tit. with boots on. But oh well, you live and learn and grow from it. Or vent on a blog with my absurdly long post. (just for those certain opinionated people, im not always right, everyone experiences things differently and in their own way.. this is just my experience. take it or leave it but dont be a douche about it. lol) Well thats it for now, but i will be putting more of my crazy experiences and tips for dating later. -b